January 21, 1997 - A Mature Point of View

by Tom DesRochers

Over the past couple of weeks, I've come up with a plan which I think could revolutionize the practice of law as we know it. The beauty of the scheme is it's simplicity. Here it is: if you are ever being investigated by the cops and you want them to drop what they're doing, just sue them ! What an innovation! By way of example, let me run this scenario by you.

Suppose that the grapevine informs you that the police are looking at you for, let's say, accepting secret commissions for the granting of a contract for...oh, I don't know...a fleet of aircraft...doesn't really matter what. It appears that the police have more than simply mere suspicion to believe that some people have set up a numbered bank account in your name in one of those European countries with really strict privacy laws for banks. This all comes as a really big surprise to you, because you barely know the people, and kept at arms-length when the contract was being negotiated. Must be a mistake, right ? In any event, the cops prepare Letters Rogatory, which goes through the Attorney General, office, then through External Affairs, and on to the competent legal authority for the European country where the bank is located. This, as you know, is the established protocol for Canadian authorities dealing with any civil law jurisdiction, where judges (not cops) direct the investigation.

Now here's the kicker. Because about two dozen lawyers, civil servants, diplomats and assorted pencil-pushers will get their mitts on the actual Request for Assistance, it's inevitable that someone, either in Canada or at the other end, will have a weak moment and leak the information to the press (after all, you ARE somebody important). I'm not suggesting that you elicit the leaking of these documents or the information they contain because that would be unethical. It is ironic, however, that the slimy little rat who does will become the best friend you ever had. Even though the police did things by the book and had a reasonable expectation of confidentiality, the word does get out, and you act as if you're mad as hell. You are a victim of libel.

If my theory holds water you can sue the police and the government, and I have a gut feeling that they'll do a cost-benefit analysis (all the rage with government lawyers), see the mounting litigation costs, and settle out of court. Hell, they might even apologize to you !!!

You might balk at all this, pointing to the obvious fact that it makes a complete mockery of the justice system and that it confirms the assumption that there's a set of laws for the rich and influential, and another for everybody else. You may even feel that since you ARE innocent, a police investigation will probably clear your name anyway. I wouldn't worry about all that; the important thing is that you send a clear message that you are not to be screwed with, pure and simple. It should be noted that the scenario I've just related is the product of my own limited imagination and is not intended to reflect any persons or events, past or present.

So what do you think, will this revolutionize the practice of law or what ?? I see no reason why you can't use this approach for other crimes such as murder, robbery or whatever...the best defence is a good offence. Remember where you heard it first. I'll be back next week with more tips & trivia, and hopefully without a bee in my bonnet.